The holiday curl over my belt

I love to eat more than any other hobby that I have. Hugh, but now that I think about it, with two kids under five, I am not sure I have any other hobbies. That makes me really good at this one and you can be sure that I am doing everything I can to excel at it.

Take the annual Riddle Christmas weekend for example. My hand grew an extra appendage called the M&M bowl that Kelly so conveniently placed on the window pass through to our dining room. Of course the one pound bag of M&Ms was not nearly enough...we elected for two. So the first day my extra appendage helped itself to an assortment of beautifully colored chocolate bombs. Oh, but I grew wise to its ways and so it was time to outsmart that selfish little critter.

Being the intellectual giant that I am, my first attempt at "strategery" was to move it off the pass through shelf. That would make it highly inconvenient to get to; coupled with the fact that it would only be visible from one perspective, the kitchen, thereby removing 50% of the possible outcomes. My MBA was a huge asset in this situation as the statistical analysis class I so eloquently got a B+ emerged and that wealth of information allowed me to troubleshoot my way through this difficult logical problem.

Ha, Ha, I had it licked, vanquished and running with its tail between its legs. The only problem is that I followed. That devious little SOB had now tricked me into spending 50% more time in the room it now resided. Like sand through the hour glass, so were the M&Ms flowing into my mouth. Having filled myself with enough puffery to inflate a Macy's Day parade balloon, the giant sucking sound deflating my ego was deafening. Oh, but don't doubt me yet, I still had a few tricks up my sleeve.

My quick witted mind seized on an opportunity created by my son when he decided to grab for that pesky little critter himself. His hand was nearly buried in the colorful mass before I saved him and snatched it away. We had a solemn heart-to-heart about the pain and suffering too much chocolate would cause his frail little body, and he quietly said "thanks dad, I only want to eat good things from now on." He went back to playing with his cousin in the other room...another good deed completed for the day.

But what was I to do? There I stood with the critter in my hand longing, waiting, calling me to indulge. I had to remove the temptation from my sight...that will do it. I was feeling weak, not quite as strong as my earlier convictions had displayed, but I still had one other trick up my sleeve...the cupboard. I grabbed the small step stool in the kitchen and stuck that little critter out of sight on the highest open shelf I could find in the cupboard. There it would be safe, hidden away behind closed doors, allowing me to freely move around the house without any outside influences. I closed the door and felt immediate relief.

A calm came over the kitchen and I stood at the top of the stool triumphant. I had won and the strength swelled through me like a wave crashing into shore. I took a deep breath, filled my lungs and turned back around to climb down the step stool. My face felt white hot and I was beaming when Kelly walked into the kitchen and said, "hey, since your up there can you grab the serving bowl off the top shelf, I need it for the ham balls."

That as they say was “all she wrote”…and now you know the rest of the story...